Tuesday, January 16, 2007
This feeling's taking control of me.
Today was unproductive.Did nothing much.Uninteresting,bored,emo-yeah.
It's 16 january today, which means that my birthday's less than 2 week!I don't know how or when or where i'm gonna celebrate it. I guess i'm less organized this year, or probably i'm not in the mood. I used to recall those special days whereby i couldn't sleep at night cos the next day's gonna be my birthday. Vera and i would go all excited and couldn't stop beaming at night.
But that was 2 years ago.I don't feel like i'm turning fourteen on the next sunday after this, i just don't.Mom had always been asking me what was the plan and i was too ashamed to even reply her that i hadn't thought of anything
yet.
She knows that something is wrong cos i always plan my birthdays on december.And ever since those wild parties, she'll stop buying me cakes and inviting all those spastic clowns to my home for a kiddy celebration as i already know how to work on the activities myself.She called me yesterday, asking the same question, and so i lied to her that i'm hanging out with a whole bunch of friends and she's so happy to hear about it.Sometimes, lie's gonna save you.She even gave me a budget of USD150-USD200 (count the currency rate yourself, she gave me green notes instead of SGD) for lunch and dinner.I was so touched that i had to say to her that i couldn't accept her offer, but she kept enticing me and insisting about it.My uncle even remembered my birthday and he never fails to mail me a big ''ang pow'' full of AUD.
But somehow, the feeling's just
not there.The people that i'm most comfortable with are all gone.Everyday's always a celebration to all of us, but ever since we're parted, absence makes the heart grow fonder(lol).
Vera and yohan aren't doing so well, harvest is completely obssesed with games, nicky's schedule are all packed from mondays to sundays, martin's off enjoying his life at SF, marcus's struggling with his school work since it's a streaming year, michelle and stephen are all at indo, and the only person i could head to was cindy >:/
I remembered last year where martin and marcus never fail to make me laugh everytime, and yohan would always attempt to calm us down.But those are just memories, and it means nothing now.I should be looking forward to meet new people and step out of my comfort zone.
Thrash all these shit. This year was supposed to be a year of victory but i don't feel victorious after all.Screw the budget, might as well donate it to needy.And all the planning and stuff, i might was well use that time for studying.
Bye bye best fucking mates, bye bye being-kiddish-13-year-olds, bye bye birthdays parties, bye bye girls-night-out....
Hello 14
5:23 pm
