Thursday, February 01, 2007
{EDITED}
I feel desperate and sad. Oh yes i am, desperate it is. Ya know i feel like it's worse than being dumped by some guy and pouring out all your sorrows through the SOS hotline. Or, it could be worse than having the thought of jumping down from the 20th storey. Why am i desperate?
Its because,
I
.
LACK
.
SUGAR
.
AND
.
SODIUM
.
Urghhhh, medicine kills me, seriosuly. It's like everything that i put inside my mouth taste bitter. Now my body just crave for any sweet things. Coke, sugar, sweets are a few examples. But after the attempt to even find for one, i just gave up hope. So in the end i kinda
smuggled Vera's sugus sweet which seriously is hard to get over it.
I should be stressing on history now. Thanks to the high fever i had this morning, the thermometer just made me cry after the
beep sound, reading it's temperature a 38.5 degree celcius. Yes, a high fever. Mdm Neo demanded me to go home at once, so i skipped assembly and waited in the staff room.
Wasn't long after i got a lift home.
And once i entered the house, i took a shower, and *plong* fell back to bed, which i had been lacking of. My grandpop went hysterical when he sees me this morning. One word
tataima (??)(i can't spell nor write jap characters) from me, he starts gabbing in japanese which i can't translate to english, much less chinese. But i heard this word
benQ (??), which meant school. Can't recall, but i kn0w he's asking me why am i not in school this hour.
Kay, i gotta go find MORE sweet things to overcome it all. I hope i get better tmr, i've skipped two days of school mind you. And it's nothing to rejoice about, especially when you're fighting for positions to e3/1.
(My grandpop is gabbing jap again, i can't understand a single bit, well maybe a lil. My japanese accent is a lil strange and he can't seem to understand. I gotta go clear things out now.)
Okay, here are all your complains again. I can't seem to understand the term 'speak truth in Love'. As much as i tried to. All i want is to have this family all worked out perfectly fine. But somehow, i'm giving up hope, so i'de say a prayer and now it's all Yours.
Without me being around, everything seemed to be a mess. A simple sorry goes a long way and, it's as simple as that. Though i'm not in the wrong, and i can't even identify myself in the wrong, i'm always the one taking the initiative to apologise. I'm always the one giving in. But if this continues any further, then i'm through. I know quitting is not gonna work. Much less having a new cell grp or even going to a new church. I may not seem to take things to heart, but being in my position, i simply just cannot keep up. I'm tired of running towards you, mending your sorrows, but somehow, they've just gotta learn how to swim just like mine.
Like what daDDy said, i should always stay prayeful and have faith in Him. Their Yours anyway, i don't seem to care anymore, not that i don't love them, i'm just tired and i need a break. Juggling two families, school work and friends is not easy. I still cannot get over my dad, and i believe that i
would be able to meet him,
somehow. I'de cry out loud if i have to.
It's not fair to me, it just isn't.
1:07 pm
