Thursday, March 08, 2007
I felt like dying, yet i'm still living.
I'd always thought that life's unfair,
But somehow, i managed to take chances and opportunities in life.
A little dedication and a simple apology goes a long way.
So right now, i'm gonna start a new, for a new term.
But first thing's first...
I'm sorry
God, if i'd ever let you down, and if i'd ever bargained.
I'm sorry
mom, for not being obedient.
I'm sorry
chun zhi, for ignoring your difficulties when you always heard much of mine.
I'm sorry
lucinda, for hating you very much in sec one (beginning of the year).
I'm sorry
kar yee, for spreading out the mr roy tan thingy.
I'm sorry
katherine, for calling you lame for most of the time.
I'm sorry
clarissa, if at any point of time i'd offended you.
I'm sorry
ai jia, for bugging you always about raymond.
I'm sorry
raymond, for the otherwise.
I'm sorry
melvin, for having fun sabotaging you.
I'm sorry
vicki, for calling you selfish or even a fishball face.
I'm sorry
vera, for killing your social life, always.
I'm sorry
johan, if i'd every treated you unkindly and if i'd threw harsh words down your face.
I'm sorry
marcus wee, for being jealous of your long eyelashes, i dunno how they grew that long.
I'm sorry
marcus ang, for disliking you at some point of time, thinking that you were somewhat unreasonable.
I'm sorry
qingyu, for ignoring what had been said.
I'm sorry
yohan, for any nasty comments.
And i'm sorry to
everyone, if i had ever harmed you.
If you've seen your name, then please accept my apology, i hope you do the same. Oh God, please forgive me.
And of course, thank you melvin, for the maths tuition that we did earlier on. Algebra wasn't my kinda thing, and thank you for helping me overcome it all. I would also wanna thank you for sharing the same tuition teacher as me. All in all, thank you for saving my maths results, i'll help you with science kay?
I'd just received my ppr.
I wished bus rides could be long,
So i could unwind and listen to the melody i've played in my mind.
But walking back home seemed to be the most difficult part.
The thought of my ppr swept me beneath.
Broke down, having nothing to say.
At that point of time i wished i could fit in grase's luggage,
And being thrown down the belt,
'take me to indonesia'.
To find my mom, and cry to her, holding tight to what i've done with my results.
But she's gone for now, away to honkong.
I pray for journey mercy and hopefully she'll get business right.
I missed her, and how i wanted to pour out everything about my results and progress in school.
I'd just wanna say,
Thank you, Almighty One.
You know i had never achieved much of these, ever.
You are mighty to save, and i thank you for it.
For all the A1s that i've achieved, i've never gone this far.
It may be low for some people, but to me it was unpredictable.
Having five combo hit, i'd reckoned it was by faith.
I managed to get rid of my sixes, moving on to fives.
Screw english, i'll keep going for a two.
I'll continue working hard cause i know You'll stand before me, shielding my way.
To love me and to protect me.
The high road's getting bumpy, thank you for guiding me, protecting me and making me feel so peacful and constant.
Thank you, for letting me understand what the term
'love' is.
I know i'm lacking of it from the family, but i've found out that when one descends, the other heightens.
That's what i've felt about people around me.
Promise-somehow i can't work out what they mean.
A promise's a promise.
So what's a promising love?
I shall forget about the promise we've made.
But thank you marcus ang, for even caring about me.
And for even wanting to show some fartherly love to me.
So far, i've never felt the way you promised earlier on.
Maybe you might forget, but i should still stay appreciative.
Thank you, even if i'd never felt it before.
I felt so bad, not having support from my family for my big day.
Encounter.
Thank you johan, for being there too, even if you'd planned it all along.
I don't mind not being sent to the venue,
I can find my own way from school, and back home.
God will lead the way.
Thank you everyone in the family, for loving me even a little bit,
I'm appreciative enough to accept it.
But something's lacking,
And i'm not complaining.
Still, i'd like to add life, even in the most difficult situations.
Perhaps family love is descending, while my other focus heightens.
Or maybe it was the other way round, to other people.
I never intend to walk throught that door, with a simple goodbye.
And hello to other faces.
But someday i would.
If only i could carry on any further.
I'm still having doubts, and many times i contemplate about this love we're having.
You kept saying, God will come through this madness.
But it's hard to believe, and i'm still struggling.
I've seen many of them feeling so left out.
Cause when one plus one equals two, nothing to them feels unbeatable.
I felt sorry for that person,
But i couldn't manage to give you a hug, to make up for it.
I hated myself for not being able to do it.
Because i know, right now, you actually needed me the most.
I've been there, done it all, repeatedly.
And no one had ever asked me if i was alright.
Perhaps this was the culmination of such behaviour of mine.
I'm lacking love, and i'm not giving it.
I hate myself somehow, for not letting the initiative to care for you even further.
I'm sorry katherine, i really am.
I'll struggle along my way,
But promises in me could never be made or guranteed.
We just need patience, a lot of patience.
I couldn fit in a two page essay on this, but somehow i digress.
I don't want to piss others off any further.
All i wanted, was to close my eyes and feel appreciative of what i've done,
What i've achieved,
Or even what i've been lacking.
Thank you for making me feel so sad and emo at this point of time,
Thank you for making me feel like i'm the biggest accomplishment ever lived.
Thank you,
for whatever you had promised to give, but did not.I've always learnt how to take and accept, even in the most difficult times.
Consequences can be made or changed,
But i'm not bagaining anymore.
Goodbye.
6:18 pm
